The Talk
by Evelyn-Sunshine
Summary: There is only one thing John wants to do less than having The Talk with Torren...


"That is how you handle this on Earth?" she demanded incredulously.

John shrugged. "Thanks to cable and the internet… yes."

He didn't have look at her to know her hands were now firmly on her hips. "It is our duty as parents to explain such matter to our children."

"What explaining? Kids just pick this stuff up!"

"No one ever had a discussion with you about the matters of life?"

"We call it the birds and the bees," he said, finally turning to look at her. "And no, not really. I had health class, an avid curiosity, and when I was sixteen my dad gave me a box of condoms and told me to keep it clean."

Her frown changed slightly and he knew it was no longer directed entirely at him. "That is deplorable." He shrugged indifferently and she crossed her arms and her expression shifted again but now to firm resolution. "It is also not the Athosian way. My father explained such matters to me in the absence of my mother, and in the absence of Kannan, you are the only father Torren has."

It was difficult, but John managed to keep his grumbling to a short burst on incoherent noises. He wanted to accuse her to playing the dead-bio-dad card, but Kannan's unexpected death from sickness was recent enough even he thought it in poor taste. So the tactic he went with instead was, "Why don't I just set up an appointment with Jennifer so she can explain it to him?"

Teyla's expression was mostly blank when she repeated, "Jennifer."

"Yeah," he said, trying to encourage her enthusiasm to the idea. "She's a doctor so she knows all the technical bits, all the ins and outs… so to speak…"

"I don't think she would appreciate that!" she admonished, trying not to laugh since she was truly annoyed. "And do you not think it would be more awkward for Torren to hear such things from Jennifer?"

"Well, it'd be less awkward for me," he muttered, and the disapproving frown reappeared on Teyla's face. "Oh, come on! There are just some things _no one_ wants to hear their parents talk about."

"You mean love, respect, and responsibility?"

He made a face at her. "You can say it like that, but we both know we're talking about The Talk."

"Would you prefer that _I_ sat down and spoke with him about this?" she demanded sarcastically.

He started to say no but paused and then slowly said, "It will be infinitely worse for Torren to hear it from his mom, but _yes_. Since it's your idea, I'd prefer you had the talk with him."

She blew an irritated breath out of her nose but a moment later a wicked smirk appeared on her lips. "All right then. I will have a talk with Torren." John froze, rightfully suspicious of her capitulation. "And then, when the time comes, _you_ will have the same conversation with Elizabeth." She nearly laughed at his expression, at once filled with horror, triumph, and scheming.

"She already knows where babies come form," he protested, even as he said it recognizing the weakness of the argument.

Teyla rolled her eyes. "A stork fetches babies from a cabbage patch," she summarized. "How long do you expect her to believe this? She is exceptionally not stupid," she said, mocking John's favorite way of referring to their daughter.

He shrugged. "As much as I'd _like_ her to believe it until she's married, I can only hope I'm in a coma when she figures it out and wants real answers."

"This is serious, John!" she exclaimed in irritation. "How can you expect our children to make wise decisions if they don't understand what they are experiencing?"

Before he could respond, the doors to their quarter whooshed open and the little girl in question marched right up to her father. "Daddy, I have a question for you."

She had on her serious face. Jennifer had helped her perfect the serious expression all doctors needed to deal with patients. The question that came out of her mouth would be either ridiculous and from the mind of a six year old or extremely technical and from the overly-stimulated mind of a child surrounded by genius; John generally preferred the ones about the logistics of fairies and teddy bear picnics.

"Okay, Lilibet, shoot."

She nodded. "How does a baby get from a baggage pack into a mommy's tummy?"

He blanched at that. "Excuse me?"

"Rodney says that when two people love each other then their love makes a baby, but he won't tell me how much," she stated. "He says I have to wait until I'm a real doctor to find out. But you said they grow in a baggage pack which Rodney says is bunk. _And_ he won't tell me how a baby gets into a mommy's tummy." John stared at her in silence a moment as she watched him expectantly. "Daddy, how does the baby get into its mommy's tummy?"

John stared at him daughter a moment then patted her on the head and stood up. "I'm going to go have a talk with Torren."

Teyla burst out laughing at his retreating form and Elizabeth giggled along with her mother's full laugh. She lifted her daughter off the floor as Ronan appeared in the doorway, laughing and clearly having over heard a bit of the conversation and instigated the little incident. "Is this what you discussed at lunch today?" She nodded, her bright smile indicating she hadn't in fact been looking to the answer of anything. "And did you receive a satisfactory answer?"

"Yes! Ronan told me, and then he tossed me higher than that!" she exclaimed, pointing to the ceiling over them.

Turning an admonishing eye on her friend she informed him, "There will come a time when tossing her up in the air and telling her everything is magic will no longer be an available option to avoid answering her questions."

"Yeah," he agreed. "But it works for now."

Elizabeth patted her mother on the shoulder and now waited politely for her attention. "What's Daddy going to talk to Torren about?"

She smiled and tweaked the end of her nose. "They are going to have a discussion that I will be having with you one day in the future."

"Is it a secret?" she asked, delighted at the prospect of secrets.

"Yes, it is!" Teyla gushed, tickling her a bit. "And now we have a secret as well."

"You mean the trick me and Ronan played on Daddy?" she whispered excitedly.

"That is exactly right," she said, whispering back.

"I am good at keeping secrets!" Elizabeth proclaimed happily.

"That you are," Ronan and Teyla agreed at the same time before laughing with the delighted little girl.

/

I don't own them, I just used them shamelessly for a musing that struck me... you would think I had spare time at work to type things like this up...


End file.
